It's been a long time

October 2001 was a long, long time ago. Since then:

* I've moved from one major metropolitan area to another, then another yet.

* I've executed a career slingshot -- took a small step backward that led indirectly to a huge step forward.

* I've watched three Mini-Humans grow from tiny little semi-functioning beings into full-fledged children. Back then, the oldest of them was 7. In two days, the youngest of them will be 7. The oldest is now a teenager.

A lot of things have changed since I banged in that first post at my desk at the Very Large Metropolitan Newspaper, the one with the cubicle where the window looked out on the concrete jungle of the nation's eighth-largest city.

I type this post looking out into my backyard, with the towering playset and the big pool. The girl who "celebrated" her first birthday in rather dubious fashion during that first month of this forum -- by learning that she has a neurological disease -- is now 7, outwardly perfectly healthy, and interrupting my typing every few words with some other question.

In the last six years, my two remaining grandparents have died. My father was diagnosed and has largely beaten colon cancer. The last remaining member of my mother's immediate family passed on. My sister had a baby and got married, in that order, after years of quiet desperation.

The original inspiration for this forum left his cubicle for things I suspect even he can't yet fully comprehend; a chance to become fully immersed in something he dearly loves. I've sensed a bit of "Be Careful What You Wish For" in some of his writing. I've had that thought more than a few times myself over the last 2,191 days.

Sitting here this morning, I've come to realize this: "Careful" people don't ever find what they want. They're too busy being careful. A "careful" quarterback racks up a 70-percent completion rating but never makes a big play. A "careful" politician can hold on to his seat for 35 years without ever having an accomplishment with his name next to it. A "careful" mom raises perfectly average kids.

Screw being careful. Throw that long pass, quit that job, say something that people aren't going to agree with, and write it all down so you can refer back to it later or perhaps help somebody else through a similar situation. That's what I've learned since 2001. And I've learned it largely through expressing myself in this forum, and through following others through similar forums along the way.

It's important to learn. It's important to share. Thanks to all of y'all for sharing with me.

--

I noted in yesterday's post that there is nothing else in my life that is six years old or more, other than my wife and children. There is some truth to that. I have one prized possession that predates 2001: A black-and-white Telecaster, purchased with my first paycheck as a full-time sports writer in 1988.

I'm a big fan of committing to things that matter. I made a commitment to a young woman in the fall of 1990. Now I'm growing old with her. (Odd how she isn't growing old; it's just me. How the hell does that happen?) It has been everything for which I could have possibly hoped: To spend my life with a beautiful woman with charm, energy, intelligence, and wit.

The story of Us makes little sense to those who were not a part of it (i.e., everybody but her and me.) I've tried to recount it here in the past, but the story transcends the words available to me to tell it.

Over the course of the six years of writing stuff down here, we've moved from Years 11 to 17, which I guess aren't exactly milestone years. But know this: Every day is a milestone, and for me, every day is another day in which I'm getting better than I deserve.

That's what wakes me up every day. That's what makes me want to write it down. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Clearing the cobwebs

See, the problem is, that when I have good subject matter with which to work and still find a way to make it boring, that’s when I start to think I don’t know how to do this anymore. Some people – real professionals – would say "you have to write through it," the same way a major-league hitter would try to get out of a slump. And that might work. But instead, I just crawl into a shell, try to grab on to something else that’s out there, and try to find my inspiration that way. And oddly, it never works.

I’ve had some great subject matter with which to work over the last several weeks.

I had an anniversary celebration that was straight out of the dream. It is still a bit overwhelming to think about, to try to wrap my mind about how I am blessed so far beyond what I deserve. She knows that too. I am. That’s a good thing.

--

See, the problem is, I have this long, long, long list of things I should do. I should eat better. I should exercise more. I should write more. I should focus on one task at a time at work, rather than let myself be distracted by all the stuff going on around me. I should do more stuff around the house. I should do a lot of things. I don’t do very many of them. I find this frustrating. Sometimes it’s just as hard to be me as it is to deal with me. I hate that.

--

There are things, however, I really like. Randomly:

-- Single-malt Scotch. A group of like-minded co-workers holds a monthly Scotch-and-cigar fest. One of those guys, G, is way more into it than, well, most people. He’s been choosing the distilling region and doing hours of research on the best whiskies from that region. He provides a long list of recommendations, and he and the rest of us buy a different bottle from that list to sample. We’ve been through the Islay, Speyside and Highland malts. The favorite so far, to my palate: the Speysides, authoritative drinks which pack a gentle wallop.

-- My dry cleaner. They lost a shirt of mine a few weeks ago – a shirt I had never worn. I am probably the only person who has had that happen to him twice in his life. (Yes, 15 years ago, another dry cleaner did the very same thing – lost a shirt I had never worn.) This one had a happier ending, though; two days later, they found the shirt. But that’s not why I like these people. I like these people because Martina behind the counter calls me by my name, knows my starch preferences, and has my clothes hanging for me before I even come in the door because she knows my car. That, friends, is good customer service, and there are few things I like better.

-- My son’s swimming coach. She’s incredibly good with a bunch of hard-to-control 8-year-olds. She’s in her early 20s, and is studying to be an elementary school teacher. She’s going to be a really good one.

-- New toys. One of the joys of my job is getting fresh technology and not having to pay for it. My latest new toy: a T-Mobile Dash. Nice to have a QWERTY keyboard again. I’d much rather use Windows Mobile than a Blackberry or Treo, and this device adds the bonus of being a really nice, clear phone. The great thing: About the time I get bored with it, some new device will show up on my desk. That rocks.

--

Today’s main event: The Young Daughter turns 7 on Tuesday. Her party is today. The Wife found a local firm that is putting together a princess party from start to finish. All we have to bring is the juice boxes. This should be fun.

--

If the Young Daughter is turning 7, that means this forum is turning 6. The only other thing that I’ve stuck with for six years or more is my marriage. In my adult life, I’ve never driven a car, lived in one place or held a job title for six years. Like so many other things in my life, I don’t treat this forum as well as I should. But I’m glad it has stuck with me for all this time; and I’m glad you have stuck with me. I’ll put this on the list of things that I should do better, and I’ll start attacking that list.

First-day jitters

It's nice to see that, nearly 18 years after I was actually last in a classroom, I still have insomnia on the Sunday before the first day of school.

I'm not going to school tomorrow, except to make sure my first-grade daughter and third-grade son get there safely. The eighth-grade daughter has a bus; she's on her own, mostly.

Outfits are selected and have been modeled. Lunches have been planned. Forms have been filled out. Summer 2007 is officially over here on the Western Edge. It's been a good one; I think I'm gonna miss it.

Update No. 1: Week 2

RALEIGH, N.C. -- I just spent probably two full minutes trying to put a title up there. That's a good sign that you should just hit the tab key and start writing. So I will.

It's been two weeks of bullshit and bliss, two weeks of heart-warming and heart-pounding. Two weeks of wonder and two weeks of fear.

Each week was highly emotionally charged, for completely different reasons. At some point soon, I'll write about each.

I'm going to write about them in reverse, and separately.

The thing which I kind of glossed over earlier for Week 2 was this:

My father was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had surgery Aug. 2.

Right now, all is as well as it can be. The upsides are that he's relatively young (57) and it was found relatively earlier. The downside is that he's profoundly disabled as a result of a 1987 car accident, and that adds a serious level of complication to, well, everything. Oddly, even that has an upside; because of his disability, they were able to remove more of the parts that might be cancerous because they didn't have to worry about his future mobility; to put it simply, they could safely remove more of him and leave more of him disassembled 'cause he wasn't using it anyway. Or something like that.

We await results of testing to determine whether the cancer had spread to his lymph nodes. Those results were supposed to be available Monday. We're still waiting.

The rest of the family is waiting back in Anytown; The Wife and our kids wait in Florida, and I wait in North Carolina this week and Iowa next week.

The Wife, the Mini-Humans and I arrived home from Colorado in the single-digit hours of July 31. In the single-digit hours of Aug. 1, we had deposited the kids with a friend and were on another plane to Missouri. I've driven nearly 2,000 miles in the last 20 days, none of which were in my car.

I don't know how everything is going to turn out, but I have no reason to believe it'll be anything other than OK. We're survivors; my dad and his brothers have cheated death in some highly creative and stunning ways, and my dad's parents lived way longer than any actuarial tables would have expected them to. So we wait, and try to keep the worry to a minimum as things move on.

But I can tell you this: I've never wanted to go home more than I do right at this very second. Never.

I'll go back and write that head now, and do Week 1 later. Something tells me I should be sleeping now.

Altitude adjustment

BRECKENRIDGE, Colo. -- We're now on Day 4 of our mountain adventure. The Mini-Humans have seen a lot of very cool things for the first time.

We spent the weekend at the home of The Wife's grandmother in Colorado Springs. We spent a fair bit of time driving west on U.S. 24 from there. We saw Cave of the Winds, the Indian Cliff Dwellings, and Manitou Springs, a very well-kept little mountain town with a serious dose of weird. Had some great Mexican food at a place across the street from the hemp shop.

We drove up the mountain Monday to the cabin in which we are staying with 13 of The Wife's relatives. This is an emotionally volatile group, for reasons both valid and otherwise. The occasion is Grandma M's 80th birthday (which is actually in October, but you don't want to be in a cabin in the mountains in October, I'm told.) It's a highly charged atmosphere, and some sparks are flying already.

But when you look past those, you see a group that is deeply devoted to each other underneath some of the stinging insults and thinly veiled judgmentalness (is that a word? It is now). It's an interesting case study into the role of the matriarch, a role which might be dying out with our generation.

Grandma M is probably the biggest influence in my wife's life, and there could be no better role model. She's a woman who carries herself with class and dignity while at the same time also being a helluva lot of fun. She cares about nothing more than the happiness of her family, and in an age where it seems there's suddenly a whole lot of things about which to care, she still keeps her priorities focused. She's a beautiful woman, and it's a beautiful thing to be able to watch her be her first-hand.

It's just before 9 a.m. Tuesday up here in the mountains right now. We're getting ready to gather for a family photograph and then will scatter off to various mountain-y places. I'm going to go take a few (really deep) breaths and continue the acclimation process.

13

I'm the parent of a teenager, as of today.

The Old Daughter is 13. I'm not sure we're ready for that. I know we don't get a choice.

She is 100 percent as perfect as one can expect a 13-year-old girl to be. Which is to say that she's often a pain in the ass, but not so often that it's the first thing you say about her. She's smart, which is to say that in some moments, she's not as smart as she thinks she is, and at others, she knows way more than she gives herself credit for. She's beautiful, which is to say she's beautiful.

I'm the parent of a teenager. I need a few minutes to digest that.

Relaxing under the family tree

This past weekend in Missouri wasn't nearly as somber as I expected it to be; perhaps not even as somber as it should have been. That's OK, though. Nobody is particularly worried whether that's the way Grandpa would have wanted it. That's just the way we are.

We said our goodbyes to Grandpa in proper fashion, complete with taps and a 21-gun salute to honor his time in the Navy. The service was in a beautiful setting; out in the hills of southeastern Greene County, in a tiny little cemetery bounded by what could only be described as a meadow. There were even butterflies, dozens of little yellow butterflies flying about. It was bright, and quiet, and peaceful, the way a peaceful rest should be. My dad's father was 89, and he had earned a peaceful rest.

After the service, we repaired to the home of Grandpa and Grandma's fifth son, the Uncle Who Made Good. Downstairs, a pool game broke out; upstairs, 20 or 30 family members, many of whom I actually knew, were eating, talking, occasionally shrieking with laughter, and generally enjoying each other's company. This is a very, very good thing. Frankly, it's hard not to enjoy yourself around this group of people, no matter the circumstances.

"Diverse" doesn't even begin to describe the family into which I was born. My dad was one of eight children (the oldest died very young, several years before my dad was born.) Six boys, two girls. Seven of those eight produced 20 grandchildren. Ironically, the first-born of my generation also died young. Born in 1964, he died in his late 20s of cancer.

Among the remaining 19 are a doctor, a TV reporter turned marketing guy for a worldwide poker outfit, the journalist-turned-software-guy, a banker, a receptionist turned mortgage processor, at least three high school dropouts, a vice president of a renowned national museum (thanks to the wonders of Google, I just discovered this fact a few minutes ago; more on that later), a couple of good ol' boys, and a few who are still struggling to find their places in life. One of them actually has no biological connection to the rest of us (yeah, we'll come back to that one, too.)

All of us have a talent of some sort that sets us apart from the rest of the world:

Two of the high school dropouts, sisters in their early 20s, are fantastic singers; one of them is a very good mandolin player.

Cousin Otis's writing speaks for itself, but I'll speak for him to remind you of his National Headliner Award from a few years ago.

The banker has a great deal of technical acumen, more than the one of us who actually makes his living as an IT guy.

At least two of my cousins are capable of growing ZZ Top-style beards (I, meanwhile, can barely grow facial hair at all).

My sister is an uncommonly beautiful woman who graduated from college with a GPA that was within a short reach of 4.0.

Pretty much any of the boys can pick a guitar. All of us, with the possible exception of my sister, are comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people. I guess we came by that naturally.

And I can say this with little fear of contradiction:

I haven't talked to the ZZ Top-bearded cousins or the mortgage processor cousin or the high school dropouts more than maybe five times in the last 15 years. We're not people who would associate with each other if we weren't related. But: If I called one of those people in need of something, they'd do whatever they could to help. As I would for them.

That undeniable bond is what Grandma and Grandpa left behind. That's a success that can't be measured in dollars or square feet or any other of the empty units of measure to which we too often attempt to ascribe importance.

-----------------

A couple of mentions above begged further explanation. I'll try to explain here.

My two oldest living uncles are, shall we say, men of mystery. Each has been married several times; one of them, well, a few more than several.

This particular uncle, T, is not somebody who has lived life by the book, unless that book was written by somebody like Hunter S. Thompson. He is emphatically not a role model. Where there is family controversy, T is at the center.

Uncle T is 63. He is currently on (we think) his eighth marriage, to a woman who is younger than me. About a year ago, she gave birth to a child. Said child is credited as Grandchild No. 20, despite the fact that he very, very obviously is not biologically related to us. None of us tans like that, nor is any of us capable of growing an afro, and amidst all the diversity of my cousins, one common thread is blue eyes. But, the conventional wisdom goes, she had the kid while she was married to one of us, so he's one of us too.

Among this black-sheep uncle's other children is M ... who is the aforementioned VP of the renowned national museum.

I don't know her; she grew up with her mom in a town 100 miles west of Anytown. She's three years younger than me. Grandma sent her Christmas gifts every year, and occasionally received pictures from M's mom. (As I pointed out in my tribute to my grandmother, one of the most striking aspects of her funeral service was the number of her sons' ex-wives who came to pay their respects.)

The last time I thought about M was 17 years ago, when she graduated from high school. Grandma proudly told me that she recorded one of the highest ACT scores in all of Missouri. M is now 35; she lives in a large city on the East Coast under her maiden name, behind which there are many letters. I'm not sure if she's married.

None of my cousins nor I have seen M since probably 1972, if even then, which means she would have been a baby and none of us would be old enough to remember having met her. But if she had been at Grandpa's funeral -- or if she came to Anytown for Christmas -- there'd be a seat for her, and she'd be immediately mobbed by 20 people wanting to hear about her life and asking her opinions and making sure she had plenty of food and drink. Somebody would say, "You're a lot bigger than last time I saw you." One of the ZZ Top Beards would give her a big, vaguely frightening hug and tell her he loves her.

It's an undeniable bond. Fascinating, sometimes infuriating, occasionally a bit unnerving ... but always undeniable. It outlived my grandparents, it will outlive all of us, and it will always be one of my favorite things about being me.

Grandpa, 1917-2006

It wasn't easy to find prosperity in northwest Texas in the late 1930s. It wasn't easy anywhere, really, as the Depression still had most of the world in its firm grip. Those of us who grew up in the world those people fought to build will, hopefully, never fully understand.

It was in this environment where a 21-year-old man with a bit of a reputation for trouble married a sweet young redhead, and, with very little in the way of raw material with which to work, began building a family.

The sweet young redhead who grew up to be my grandmother went on to the next place two years ago. Wednesday, my grandfather joined her.

The first few of his 89 years were pretty hardscrabble. I don't know a lot of the details of his childhood, but he once shared with me some stories of his teenage years. They made mine look pretty tame and boring by comparison. Tales of freight-train rides, of dodging the law (sometimes not so successfully) in Bonnie-and-Clyde era Texas, of never turning down an opportunity for a fight.

He took his attitude to the Navy just in time to wind up on a ship in the Pacific during World War II. He told me about getting in trouble for fighting and gambling. He was able to channel the former into a bit of an amateur boxing career while he was on the ship. My grandfather was not at all a big man, but what he lacked in size was apparently made up for in scrappiness.

He was father to three boys when the hostilities began in earnest in 1942. One more came along during the war, and one more was born a little more than a year after V-J Day. The oldest died in 1943. My dad was the second of a set of twins born in 1950, bringing the child count back to six when the decision was made to leave Texas.

At the end of the road was Springfield, Mo., home to Baptist Bible College and a newly opened paper cup factory. Grandpa spent his time studying at the former and working at the latter. He put in nearly 30 years at the paper cup factory, while learning the Bible and spending some of his free time as a preacher. It was never easy; two more children, both girls, came along during the 1950s, but the house didn't grow at all; still four rooms, still dirt floors, still outdoor plumbing on the unpaved Kansas Avenue. The poverty didn't really let up until the kids began leaving home.

He had mellowed quite a bit by the time I was old enough to hear his stories. I'd sit in the tiny living room on Thelma Avenue while he sat in his chair facing the TV and Grandma sat on the couch, shaking her head every once in a while at some tale he was spinning. I do suspect that the basis was in truth, but that details might have been altered a bit for entertainment value or might have, um, changed a bit with time. I was OK with that. I loved the stories, loved to hear of the fighting spirit and sheer willfulness that was at the root of my genetics.

He believed every word he said, certainly. He wasn't somebody with whom you were always going to agree. He didn't hold that against you, but you also weren't going to change his mind on most things. You might be right, but you certainly weren't going to prove him wrong.

Even in the last few years, he enjoyed a good debate, and he could battle as well with words in his 80s as he could with his fists in his 20s.

The spirit was silenced two years ago, when Grandma went on. The body, which has a tendency to keep running on sheer willfulness even after the spirit is gone, finally and mercifully gave up today. He's earned his rest.

A better obit can be read here. As for me, well, I continue the fight, in my own way. But I know from where the spirit is seeded.

Four days in Paradise

It's been a helluva fun weekend. No details are really necessary ... it's just been a wonderful string of perfect days. Such a string deserves to be acknowledged.

The latest

The Wife was telling me a story the other night about one of her dogs throwing up.

The Young Daughter observes this mess and says something along the lines of, "She must not have taken her medicine. When I take my medicine, I don't get sick."

The Wife was quite surprised by this. We had no idea that The Young Daughter had drawn the connection between her medications and her episodes of the past few months, which were usually punctuated by vomiting unconnected to any real nausea or upset stomach or carsickness or any other condition that usually generates vomiting.

Among the medicines she's taking is Thalidomide, the drug immortalized as one of the memories of the '60s in Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire." (Third verse: "Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide.") Baby boomers remember that the drug was originally the miracle cure for morning sickness, with the unfortunate side effect of horrendous birth defects. The drug was taken off the market in the United States until 1998, when it was approved for heavily controlled clincal trials. There are those, including one of the doctors that we are seeing, who believe it might be effective in treating neurofibromatosis.

I, of course, am in favor of most things that might help. Research seems to indicate that only serious side effects of this particular treatment are in utero. The Young Daughter's 5; that's not a high risk. But that doesn't make us any less apprehensive about it.

In two weeks, The Wife and The Young Daughter are traveling to Birmingham, Ala., to meet with the man who literally wrote the book -- actually, several books -- on NF1. Will he have some answers? We don't know. But we'll keep asking the questions.

------

I am reminded of a story from May 2002 (click here and scroll down to May 10, 2002), back when I had no understanding of the realities of this situation and wanted said understanding even less.

The link to the press release in that post was active until fairly recently. It's been awful quiet out of Dr. Parada's office lately. He said "five years." He has one year and one month left to restore my faith in the medical profession. The clock is ticking.

The clock is ticking, goddammit. Find a way to fix this. Now.

Why I hate technology

I'm so disgusted by this story. I would be just as disgusted if the guy wasn't a high-ranking federal official in an agency entrusted for securing the safety of the American people. If he is found guilty of the crimes for which he's charged, he's both sick and stupid, and I hate the fact that my wife and children share a planet with people like him.

The Wife and I have been batting around the idea of letting the Old Daughter have limited, heavily guarded, heavily filtered Internet access on the computer in her bedroom. The Wife has always been staunchly 100 percent opposed to it; I was 99 percent opposed to it, thinking that there might be an argument in favor of letting her have some freedom to do research, play her games, e-mail her friends, etc., without having to use the centrally located desktop in the living room.

The Old Daughter, of course, is 100 percent in favor of having Internet access in her room. We were almost ready to bend; I proposed that as long as she was fully open to random and unannounced searches of her browsing history, e-mail sent items, and the rest of her hard drive, I would consider it. The Wife reluctantly agreed to that proposal.

I've changed my mind. If I caught something in a history or a cache, it's too late. That toothpaste doesn't go back in the tube. I'm now back to being firmly opposed to letting children have Internet access in a non-common area of the house.

In my house, at least, I'm sure the problem wouldn't be outgoing material. And if an indecent proposal did make its way in, I'm sure it would be reported the second it hit the screen.

But we can't take the risk of letting the sick and the stupid into our house.

Arrgh

Here we go, devolving back into monthly mode. I hate it when that happens.

Quick hits:

-- The Wife's Champion Dog had another litter of puppies. These dogs are apparently all the buzz in the world of dog-show people (at least, those who show her breed.) This is a very good buzz, and very good for The Wife and the Champion Dog. Five years ago, when she first got into all this, I wondered why the hell she was doing it. Now I understand. Very cool.

-- The Old Daughter recently won her school's spelling bee. Normally, this would not sound all that impressive -- hell, back in '82, I won my junior high's spelling bee -- but she did it 1/against a whole bunch of kids, way more than the 10 or so I beat and 2/she's in sixth grade, and given her July birthday was very likely the youngest kid in the competition. The win qualified her for an appearance in the county-wide spelling bee, against 45 other kids, most of whom were also in eighth grade. Her exit was far too early -- she got tripped up when the reader gave an obscure and kind of odd definition of the word "regency" -- but she'll be back.

-- I will be spending a good portion of my next two months in Montréal (I am there, in fact, as I write this), one of North America's most fabulous cities. Every time I'm here, I'm busy as hell and don't get much of a chance to see/enjoy much of anything. Plus, it's colder than crap. But one of these days, I'll share with you some of the wonders of this city.

Crawling back into my hole. I promise I'll try to come out before next month.

Yep, definitely on a fast train headed way South

(somewhat continued from previous post)

Kids received money in the mail today for Valentine's Day from various relatives. Have no idea when the hell that tradition started; all I know is that it started about 25 years too late.

Anyway, each kid netted about $9 or so. We took them to Wal-Mart so each could buy $9 worth of toys.

The Old Daughter looked, and looked, and then found what she wanted:

Chips.

Yep, poker chips.

I got The Look again.

Instead of the bedtime story, The Boy and the Old Daughter opted for a few hands with me. Says The Boy, with an evil not-yet-7 smile: "Bluffing is fun. I like bluffing."

God help us all. God help me when The Wife delivers my well-deserved beating for my bad influence.

I suspect I'm going to Hell for this

Grandpa Mike was teaching the kids to play five-card draw. They were using K'Nex (think Tinkertoys of 2006) as chips. They were enjoying that, and then I came home. I said, "Let's learn a new game."

"Cool," said The Old Daughter, 11. "What's it called?"

"It's called Texas Hold 'Em." I dealt the pocket cards, explained terms and the betting, and set down the flop. The Wife rolled her eyes. The Boy, not quite 7, said, "Hey, this looks fun."

The Boy bluffed his way to win two consecutive hands, one of them after he stared down his sister, who folded to his pair of 4s. Grandpa Mike won a few hands, I held out until the river for a flush to win one, and then it was dinnertime.

Didn't think much more of it until a few days later, when we were driving to Lowe's or Home Depot or Chili's or somewhere suburban in the minivan. The Wife said, "It's awful quiet back there; wonder what's going on?"

The silence continues for a few seconds. Then, the Old Daughter's voice: "Now, here's the flop ... "

Yeah, I got The Look. You know, the look one's wife gives you after it becomes completely evident that you've corrupted the children in some fashion; the look I get when The Boy knows the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody." I'm pretty sure I deserved The Look. I'm not going to worry about it, at least not until my two older kids show up to the table in sunglasses.