The Befuddled Texan
Item: Election chaos reigns in Florida, yet again. The Texan says: Say this for the Soviets -- they knew how to have an election. They even knew who was going to win before the polls opened. That's efficiency. No deadline problems for newspapers getting the results from those elections. One would think those Floridians might have tested those machines sometime before Election Day.

Item: President lays out his case for war against Iraq. The Texan says: Thanks, Mr. President, for the help on this one. Seriously. I'm not convinced enough to pick up a weapon and head for Baghdad, but I have a better understanding of what has transpired since 1991 -- and what was supposed to have transpired. It's amazing what speaking to the United Nations can to do a politician. Because his audience is largely non-English speaking, Bush was forced to abandon his political idioms and cliches and doublespeak to make things easier for the real-time translators. This was not a message he wanted lost in the translation. It was clear enough even for me to understand.

Item:I was ready for some football ... The Texan says: ... but then I watched the Cowboys. Gag heard on sports-talk mouthpiece, worth repeating: "Why doesn't Fort Worth have a professional football team? Because then Dallas would want one, too."