Choices
Avid readers will remember the death of my aunt back in March. It was a difficult time; she was 52 and recently married, and she and her husband had moved from his home in Virginia and were carving out a new life in Arkansas, relatively close to my mother. She was my mother's only sibling, and my mom justifiably felt cheated out of the opportunity to finish rebuilding her relationship with her sister.

I met my aunt's husband -- I guess that would actually make him my uncle -- for the first time at her funeral. That's not a good place to meet somebody for the first time. I felt terrible for him. He was putting her in the ground when he should have been making plans for their first anniversary, which would have been the next week.

I asked my mom if he had any relatives or friends or anything. He had none. Parents dead, no siblings. My aunt was all he had. My aunt's children, both adults, are serving their country in various ways overseas. One's in Germany, one's in Thailand.

My mom checked in on him periodically by phone, and visited his house, some 50 or 60 miles from hers, a time or two, helping him and my cousins with some logistical matters. He was doing about as well as one could expect, in his situation. It's difficult to go through this life with no real connection to anyone.

On Saturday, he decided it was no longer worth the effort. The medical examiner ruled his death a suicide.

I'm struggling with this one. My mother is driving herself mad, wondering what more she could have done. I can't imagine she could have done more. She didn't have much time to establish a connection of any sort with him, and a family connection doesn't just happen by way of a marriage certificate.

I can't say with any certainty what I would have done had I been wearing his shoes. And I can't imagine being in those shoes; I have a large, loving family, both immediate and extended. I do a fair job maintaining the bonds with the extended family, although I could do better.

Hearing this news was a reminder that I must do better. I said a little prayer, in my way, for comfort for the soul of this man, and my mom. I'd be grateful if, in your way, you'd do so too.