Elementary composition and advanced parenthood
We all learned very early in our writing careers that the basis of any good story is conflict. Us against them, them against somebody else, a race against time, Capulets vs. Montagues, me against the bill collectors; whatever, you need some sort of conflict in order to tell a good story.

This explains why there's so little to tell about my recent life. When you have small children, you do everything you can to keep conflict out of your life. Conflict is not good for small children. Note that there's no conflict in The Foot Book, or Go, Dog, Go, or most of the other literature my small children like. (Does Sam vs. the Narrator in Green Eggs and Ham count?)

One of my children, however, is not so small. She's 7 now. And boy, is she looking for a conflict.

I thought I had a few years yet before I had to start worrying about having a kid with a pre-teen attitude. Nobody warned me that with my kid, apparently, 7 is pre-teen. I don't know where she learned the phrase, "That's not fair!" or why she thinks it needs to be said at the end of every sentence. I don't know what made her think it would be a good idea to tell her teacher today, "I'm not going to do the subtraction test. It's too hard." I don't know what synapse is disconnected in her head, causing her to require being asked 11 times to do anything. I thought that having nearly five years between kid No. 1 and kid No. 2 would reduce sibling rivalry; boy, was I wrong about that one. How could a 7-year-old girl have a problem with a 3-year-old boy? Oh, if you only knew.

But, now, at least, there's some conflict in my life. It won't even make a good story, most days, especially to the non-parents in the audience. And I know it's only the beginning; I still have middle school and high school to look forward to.

But it's my life, and I wouldn't trade it. Here's why.

My oldest daughter is one of the neatest people in all the world. She's showing signs of being a standout writer. She's very intelligent, at least when it comes to remembering facts. She'll beat me at chess without assistance within the next six months. And when she's not declaring everything around her to be unfair, she's actually very nice, and thoughtful, and caring, and sensitive, way beyond her years.

I'm not one to gush about my kids, really -- some might think I'm too quick sometimes to point out their shortcomings -- and I'm not going to burn a bunch of kilobytes or waste a lot of your time with my kid stories. But my family is why I am who I am, and why I wake up every day with a smile. The Uncle Who Made Good gave me a great piece of parenting advice: "Make sure your kids know that the world is a better place because they're in it." I can certainly say that about all of my children without any fear of contradiction.

And I say that to them, every chance I get.